April 3, 2013
I’m excited to be back at school, but I can’t help listening to the subtle flutterings of doubt in my stomach. Do I really belong here at the UW? We will see what happens and how it goes. Here is my Art History 311 class. I have missed Art History. Oddly enough, it seems to be a topic I understand. It’s simple and easy to understand. Sometimes this irritates me because it makes me feel I’m simple, but I know I am not what I like – or am I? Am I complicated or straight forward? I use to think I was more complicated. Now, I’m not so sure. I think I’m much easier to understand than I thought originally. Not a bad thing. Or maybe I’m just telling myself this because I don’t want to feel as if I’m less interesting. I need to remind myself that being uncomplicated is not a bad thing. I am not any less desirable, loved, or valuable by others or myself – or at least I shouldn’t be.
I have a coworker who I will rename “Anna”. She is a very straight forward individual who [typically] speaks her mind. At least there was a time when that was all she did. Now she is much more cautious of what and how she communicates her feelings. Originally, Anna and I did not get along. There were times where our ideas or attitudes clashed. We would misunderstand or misread the other in the daily work environment. Maybe initially I wasn’t keen on her taking the place of a good friend of mine who had gotten a job offer elsewhere, but I know now that sharing my attitude that way was NOT the right thing to do. Hopefully, my subconscious has learned it’s lesson and my mind is in place to keep it in check.
Anyways, my point is…what IS my point? I’m just trying to make myself feel better for being simple and easy to understand. I’m putting myself in the personality category that encompasses people out there who speak their mind and justifying how “OK” that is. The world today [especially the UW] would say that is entirely “OK” to be easy to understand – “be whoever you are…because whoever you are is O.K”. (Shallow nitwits) Regardless of whether I am socially “accepted” doesn’t mean I’m not judged and tried as seen fit by society. They may “accept” me, but the way they treat people is entirely different (MORE on this later perhaps?).
On a more ENJOYABLE topic that does NOT involve my weaknesses and insecurities – haha – I am loving Business Communications. I took what I have learned and applied it at work. I also struck up a conversation with my boss and shared what we are talking about in class. She seemed impressed and also commented on what “good interactions” I was having with customers – something we strive for at Mud Bay. —- I’m sorry – I can’t type anymore. Balloons are attacking me at the table I’m sitting at. They are meant to be attention grabbers, but when the owners placed them as a “sales career” promotional tool by the opening and closing DOOR…they keep blowing their way into my face. I’m flicked them once or twice but they don’t seem to get the hint.
p.s. I kept feeling like I was going to run into someone I knew. I did. Big surprise. Now I feel like I want to. I’m ronely.